Making friends with Anxiety
With this week being Mental Health Awareness, I wanted to highlight something that whilst subtle, plays a subversive role in anxiety. That is our relationship to anxiety itself.
Anxiety isn’t a nice feeling and it’s seems natural to want to avoid it. However, it’s this dislike of it that can lead to some unhelpful behaviours that only reinforces anxiety’s hold on us. These behaviours range from distracting ourselves, to fighting and actively suppressing it, often by seeking temporary relief through comfort foods, alcohol, or even substances.
In this, we miss the fact that anxiety isn’t the problem; it’s a symptom - a collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms that point to an underlying issue. Anxiety isn’t the cause, it’s the result of something else that is going on. By recognising that anxiety is simply the symptom of deeper issues, you begin to shift the focus from fighting the anxiety itself to addressing the cause of it.
This isn’t limited to anxiety alone but extends to all emotions we label as negative. According to the field of evolutionary psychology, our emotions have evolved to serve a vital protective function. We have them today because of the crucial role they played in our survival.
Emotions exist for a reason, to communicate essential information to us. They signal that something is wrong or potentially threatening in our environment, urging us to take action. Sometimes that action might mean retreating from potential threats, but it doesn’t mean retreating from the emotion itself. Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost this subtle nuance. As a result all our efforts go into fighting the anxiety rather than addressing it’s cause. And what happens if you don’t address the real cause of the problem, it’s simply going to continue or just get worse.
The Power of Acceptance in Overcoming Anxiety
By turning to our anxiety, it can lead to a profound transformation. In practice, this comes down to acceptance. By accepting anxiety, we change our relationship to it. Firstly, rather than wasting energy fighting what is, acceptance enables us to direct our resources to the things we can change. In this, I’m reminded of the quote by Carl Rogers and “the curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.” When we accept things as they are, we release ourselves from the frustration and internal conflict that comes from fighting our emotions. By not exerting our energy fighting how we feel, we put ourselves in a more resourceful state to take action. We learn to go with the current rather than fight against it.
Acceptance doesn't equate to passivity or inaction. Rather, it allows us to direct our efforts towards finding solutions, exploring new perspectives, and making positive changes where we’re able to. This begins with identifying the triggers, patterns, and beliefs that contribute to our anxiety. This self-exploration empowers us to make positive changes, develop healthy coping strategies, such as reaching out to our support network or seeking professional help if necessary.
Acceptance also frees us from the trap of self-criticism and negative self-talk, which helps to diminish the inner critic. So instead of berating yourself for feeling anxious, you cultivate a sense of self-acceptance and self-compassion. There is this tendency to be overly critical of ourselves, but this only adds to our anxiety, immobilising us from taking action. By learning to manage this self-talk, we enhance our mental and emotional well-being.
Overcoming the discomfort of anxiety
Getting to a place of acceptance isn’t always easy. It’s not a decision, but a process of coming to terms with how you feel. This requires you to turn towards the anxiety and acknowledge the discomfort. It involves challenging your preconceived notions around anxiety, and allowing yourself to rewrite your relationship with it.
But don’t take my word for it. Take a moment to reflect on your reaction when you feel anxious, is there a pulling or pushing away. See what happens when you recognise the resistance to it and work to let it go and accept the feeling. You may be surprised by what you find.